This is one of my favorite poem .It was written on the 2nd of April 2007 …It was one of the most heartfelt poems I ever wrote.

Some of my poems  are written out of the blue, when my muse visits me at nights .Some are written after a life experience , a regret ,sadness felt or just happy moments .Every poem has a memory in my heart .

I sit here at peace with thoughts very small;

With words of heartfelt dreams hidden here within my fear;

Dreams of words of life inside, judged by me to be denied;

What dwells in that space in my mind?

Late at nights my muse visits, to spout unending words of conscious flow.

Never knowing what will surface next when nerves touch the air, my feelings go!

I am liberated and elated, I’m who I am. Blinded by the fright of seeing too much;

Fear resides in me hiding in plain view, afraid to be left behind without you.

Sitting lonely in my place, Fear not to feel life’s grace;

Thoughts drifting towards you; I float in endless maddening space,

My soul feels so bold, shinning spirit, love untold;

I share with you the depth of my unending soul, trying to unfold.

I look too far and see beyond you, I run so fast ahead;

Forgetting my fingers typing; letting only my soul on fire to lead me instead;

I don’t want to look through you tonight, allow me to look into your eyes so deep;

I will let you touch me slow. After all, night dreams are only mine to keep.

Caress me with your palette; make me the creation of your loving light;

Make my heart your master peace and caress my blank mind;

Pull me round your chilled body; wrap me in your arms of pure delight;

Keep your soul with me shining bright, Please, embrace me, I feel lonely tonight.  

 Add more layers with your palette, color my life with passion;

Caress those lonely places, your tender body knows;

Let’s go together far away to spots we’ve never seen;

Touch me with your fingers. Heal me in my tortured night dreams.

Shaking now, I’m breathless, Feelings I find impossible to express;

Your voice I hear and make my soul undress;

Leaving myself completely to your magic touches;

Suddenly, my inner fears return .Afraid to awake and won’t find you near.

I fear the loss of your sweet songs, afraid to find you gone;

I run around with trembling fear, you hold me back to keep near;

I taste you with each breath I take; I feel your truth beyond mistake;

Passion rich, passion wild engulfs my bliss, feeling your love like needle prick.

You penetrate every little part of me; I start to die from my inside pain;

Sweet pain of hidden passion‘s final drain;

Breathless now beside you with our hearts merged in one beat;  

Feeling safer I get closer and closer to you, finally now I can sleep.

Written by the imperfect me to the unknown  

As winter comes and summer passes by;

So do days, years pass and without noticing they fly.

We hold our babies tight, thinking they will never grow;

And suddenly without realizing they leave our nests and go.

So is life, days, nights, seasons, years that pass;

We can’t control rain and make it stop;

We can’t make our beloved one stay, even if we try;

They leave us sometimes without even a goodbye.

So why worry? There is nothing we can do!

Neither regrets will help and bring yesterday back;

Nor tears we pour will heal our broken hearts;

Neither stress will gather our broken parts.

Even the pain we feel now will not endure;

We think days will never pass, they’re heavy;

We think we will never be able to trust and love again;

But by time we forget, our lonely nights and our pain.

We have the moment we live with all its magic;

We can lend a shoulder to a person in his hour of darkness;

Or dry a tear, or simply listen and give needy persons an ear;

Put a smile on someone’s face that may brighten his tough days.

So we have to add a kind gesture to each person we see;

Count the blessings the Lord gave you and me;

Close your eyes imagine a beautiful silver beam;

Imagine this tough life a beautiful dream.

You have to live day by day make your last teardrop;

Enough sadness, deceptions, lost love ~you have to stop;

Try to catch a rainbow and run after a dream;

Try to find the right person with whom you can trust, grow and lean.

Begin a new day and forget what was once there and lost;

Forget about everything that once brought pain, weakness and depression;

Accept things as they are given to you;

Turn failures to success.

It’s never too late for a new beginning, as long as our heart beats;

Forgive people who hurt you, live life with all its coldness and heat;

    Love is everywhere, even after a storm, comes a new day;

We have to help ourselves to survive and find a way.

I look at the sea and wonder where it’s end;

I look at the sky, I see a moon shinning our dark nights;

I wonder about our Lord, who gave us all this beauty and light;

I wonder why there is no peace in the world and only fights

As winter comes and summer passes by;

So do days, years pass and without noticing they fly.

We hold our babies tight, thinking they will never grow;

And suddenly without realizing they leave our nests and go.

So is life, days, nights, seasons, years that pass;

We can’t control rain and make it stop;

We can’t make our beloved one stay, even if we try;

They leave us sometimes without even a goodbye.

So why worry? There is nothing we can do!

Neither regrets will help and bring yesterday back;

Nor tears we pour will heal our broken hearts;

Neither stress will gather our broken parts.

Even the pain we feel now will not endure;

We think days will never pass, they’re heavy;

We think we will never be able to trust and love again;

But by time we forget, our lonely nights and our pain.

We have the moment we live with all its magic;

We can lend a shoulder to a person in his hour of darkness;

Or dry a tear, or simply listen and give needy persons an ear;

Put a smile on someone’s face that may brighten his tough days.

So we have to add a kind gesture to each person we see;

Count the blessings the Lord gave you and me;

Close your eyes imagine a beautiful silver beam;

Imagine this tough life a beautiful dream.

You have to live day by day make your last teardrop;

Enough sadness, deceptions, lost love ~you have to stop;

Try to catch a rainbow and run after a dream;

Try to find the right person with whom you can trust, grow and lean.

Begin a new day and forget what was once there and lost;

Forget about everything that once brought pain, weakness and depression;

Accept things as they are given to you;

Turn failures to success.

It’s never too late for a new beginning, as long as our heart beats;

Forgive people who hurt you, live life with all its coldness and heat;

    Love is everywhere, even after a storm, comes a new day;

We have to help ourselves to survive and find a way.

I look at the sea and wonder where it’s end;

I look at the sky, I see a moon shinning our dark nights;

I wonder about our Lord, who gave us all this beauty and light;

I wonder why there is no peace in the world and only fights.

~~G!han~~ 15/11/1999

I want you to love me;

Like I’ve never been loved before.

I want to be the only star in your sky;

I want to be your everything, don’t ask me “why”!

I want your love for me to burn like fire;

I want to be your only hope and desire.

I want to be with you in every move you make;

In everything you say, in every decision you take.

I want to be your shelter and home;

I want to be the only one your run to when you feel down and alone.

I want to be your lover and friend;

I want to be your only road till the end.

I want to be the only one you see;

I want to be your only consolation and remedy.

I want to be prisoner of your heart;

I want none to share with me this part.

I want to be the only one ~you love ~too;

I simply want to be the only one existing for you.

Am I unreasonable, insane and selfish?

I know I am! I might even sound childish!

But it’s only one of the impossible dreams of mine;

They say” hope is the last thing to die “.

So I’ll remain dreaming and hoping;

That these impossible things happen between you and I.

G!han 3/4/2000 

Reaching ever closer still not touching;

Focusing more and still blind unable to foresee;

Stretching my arms as far as I can and still unable to reach;

Attracted by the beauty of the universe, yet unable to feel happiness.

Called forward to explore the wondrous depth of the unknown;

Called forward by the promise that life might hold;

Still afraid from my hidden destiny still not known;

Left deserted in a sea of troubled water with my emotion uncontrolled.

 Afraid to move and mesmerized in my place;

Wishing to feel a solid ground, but my feet are unstable shaking;

Fears overwhelm me, fears of what’s hidden in space;

Afraid to leave the familiar floor I’ve known and meet more failures.

Yet struggling to feel strength in my heart and soul;

Wishing to be dragged away from my fears and stress;

Longing for the strength of the soul when it feels loved;

Always longing for the touch and the gentleness of the caress.

Listening to the voice of rhythmic and soothing;

Feeling lost between the known and the unknown;

Overwhelmed with my solitude, tears hidden unable to flow;

Restraining them so not to be explored and shown.

Unable to be pulled toward what life might offer;

 Standing insecure, glued in the same place,

Always lost in my dreams, feeling the depth of my heart;

Standing in the dark, waiting a beam of light or its trace.

Mornings, evening’s days and seasons that hurried fast;

Years that passed, words unspoken and lost, promises never kept;

Letters written and never mailed, old pictures, phone calls never dialed;

Moments, hours that slipped by and never lasted, their memories only left.

Through all this turbulence, something inside of me calls;

There must be YOU somewhere in this universe searching for me;

There must be a lost soul like mine longing for tenderness of the caress;

Somewhere, someplace out there we are missing one another;

 Where are you? How can we find each other you and me?!

Maybe we never will and it will never be!

 G!han    03 May 2005

What a beautiful September cool night.

 It’s full moon tonight!

Gentle wind invades my soul.

And takes me far away, lost in thoughts of you.

I want it to be the warm September we once knew.

I feel it cold, because I’m not sharing it with you.

Looking from my window, a cool breeze touches my face.

I shut my eyes, feeling our last embrace.

This stillness of the night, made my heart rekindle with thoughts of you.

Dreaming again to be in your arms and embracing you.

Oh why am I alone? It’s a night for two.

A powerful strength pushed me toward the phone, I need to call you!

Angry words I said with no thoughts.

I forgot the pain and hurt they brought.

 I know you are hurt and mad at me.

But I’ll call; say “Sorry” and hoping you will forgive me.

I won’t wait for tomorrow, life is too short.

Neither ego nor dignity in love, I love you, I’ll call and be bold.

Who cares who’s wrong or right?

My Stubbornness has made me lose notion of time and sight.

I hold my breath while I hear your phone rings. 

Finally I heard your voice with all the warmth it brings.

Trying to stop my heart from beating so fast, I whisper “Sorry, I love you!

And I heard you whispering back that you miss me too!

“Sorry “seemed a hard word to say; but it flew out easily with no fear.

Sudden silence between us made my heart jumps an extra beat.

But I hear your breath, you hear mine.

I ask you to come at our usual old time.

Thank God called and it wasn’t too late.

Why didn’t I do it weeks ago? Why did I wait?

I look at the withering flowers you brought me, still placed on the table.

Their petals fell, I wanted to throw them but I was unable.

I ‘m smiling looking at them now; I’ll throw them away.

I know you’ll send me a fresh bouquet today.

Sweet September, it’s the month I met him long ago.

I couldn’t let this month pass and see him leave and go.

I’ll never again take his love for me for granted.

In his eyes I see forever, in his strength I feel safe. 

His beauty comes from the light he has inside.

His heart is my home, protecting me from life outside.

I will remain tenderly always by his side.

And only to him I will abide.

I will never take for granted the art he has to forgive.

His love is like a canvas, I’ll embroider it with all what I can give.

Still so many treasures are inside him, hidden.

I’ll cherish them forever and thank god for this precious gift.

 I don’t deserve, but yet I was blessed and given.

G!han 8/09/2004

I came to you for comfort when
my heart was bruised and broken
We were friends but nothing more
though often we had spoken
You listened when I needed it,
you held me when I cried.
You knew I could not stop the hurt,
no matter how I tried.
You gently wiped away the tears,
for hours you let me stay.
You held me very close, but then,
you smiled and backed away.
You were my rock when I was down,
you offered me your hand,
No matter what I said to you,
you seemed to understand.
And bit by bit the hurting eased,
a little every day,
And still you let me come to you,
you never turned away.
Then came the day, to my surprise,
when suddenly I knew,
the reason I kept coming back,
 I felt something strange towards  you.
I held you cause I wanted to,
I touched you and I kissed you.
And when you were away from me,
I realized I missed you.
You reached a place inside of me,
that people rarely see,
you give me peace, you give me trust,
you let me be just me.
Reasons I feel close to you,
are more than I can mention
You turn me on, You hold me close,
there is no fear, no tension.
I do not know just how it works,
I will not question why,
I can’t explain just what it is
I will not even try
I only know you touch me
in a way I can’t explain
And when I thought that I would die,
you made me live again.

I simply love you and I won’t give this love a name.

G!han 20 October 2003

Spring, summer, winter and fall;

They were only names with no meanings at all;

I didn’t find in them any difference;

I was lonely and time passing, brought me more bitterness.

These last years were hard for me

I used to feel time passing and I was lonely.

I looked in my mirror and felt more pain.

Age showed on my face and brought me more strain.

I was running out of time, no difference between days and nights;

I walked by myself not finding someone to whom I can complain;

At nights when no work to do, I was drowning in my tears;

Forgetting about time running and years.

I asked myself when my heart can mend.

When can all this come to an end?

Is there anything in me still alive?

Is there anymore strength in me to survive?

I even forgot about God’s miracles;

About the treasures he hides;

I forgot to read his words;

That would for sure make me feel alive.

I forgot about the treasures I had in me;

I forgot about the good qualities I had too;

I forgot I had strength, health, and many blessings;

I forgot hope, I forgot there was an unknown living on earth who is YOU .

You suddenly appeared like magic;

I know now what are the warmth of summer and the beauty of spring;

You changed my life, I became strong;

I know now that feeling hopeless one day was wrong.

It was not long ago when I felt I’ll never meet someone like you;

Wrong was I, thinking you didn’t exist;

Wrong was I, not believe in my dreams;

Here you are one a million someone I can’t resist.

I need to thank my Lord above;

Who brought you in my life so suddenly?

I want him to forgive me for not believing in his miracles;

I want to thank him for his love for me.

And finally give you a warm hug;

For the happiness and warmth you gave me;

I won’t use the word “forever”;

Because one day with you is enough for me.

Love me more, hold me tight don’t let me go all night;

Just don’t changes keep on loving me the way you do;

And I’ll never go I will always love you;

You are my reality, my destiny, and my dreams that became true.

 G!han 23/09/2002

Sitting on a bench and watching the crowd.

Gazing at faces and hearing voices coming loud.

Different races and different shapes,

Different expressions and faces fill the space.

I feel lost in this crowd and wondering who’s lost like me!

I hear talks, laughs and babbling.

I listen; I see but as if everything around me is like a passing cloud.

I am deeply lost in my thoughts and still gazing at this crowd.

Everybody is running as if it’s the last day in their life.

But who knows what’s hidden in each heart and soul!

Do they really run because they are in a rush?

Or just to forget their troubled hearts and thoughts?

I am gifted that my thoughts are only mine.

Only mine to be left unsaid and kept unseen.

And with my inner silence I drift away from this entire crowd.

 I recall my life and feel my soul begging to be felt and seen.

This life of mine was like a book with chapters with no End.

How many chapters I would like to dismiss and forget?

How many tears in this book have been shed?

How much hurt do I have to mend, how many regrets?

My life is moving with no apparent direction.

Like water that flows but meets rocks and broken tree limbs,

That always creates obstacles to its flowing pathway,

Suspended at times but still flowing trying to find its way.

 Am I traveling in a path of uncertainty?

In a journey that leads to unspecified time and place?

A long journey that doesn’t seem to lead me anywhere at all.

Still hoping I’m hoping soon to restore tranquility and peace to my soul.

As a leaf am I in this blowing wind.

My soul cries seeking a direction that doesn’t seem to exist.

As the wind screams, my spirit cries between my past, future and present.

Still seeking a place of tranquility in my heart and soul to survive and resist.

But still my heart beats with warm love unable to make it known.

 The only thing that makes the woman inside me feels alive.

 Feeling warmer now with excitement, filled with love felt and shown.

Love, which keeps my lost soul ever green to survive.

Time is flying and I am still stuck to my bench.

I have to return to earth and get back some of my strength.

I am still alive and I’ll be soon freed from this cage.

I will save all the love I have but right now I have to turn the page.

G!han 02/11/2002

 

I opened my bedroom’s window;
and lifted my eyes to the sky;
I saw the moon and the stars so high.

I felt suddenly I wanted to cry;
As a breeze of air made me shiver;
And I went on my knees for you  my forgiver.

I feel sadness, fear and lot of grief;
No more tears in my eyes,
the only thing that gave me relief.

I want to cry for years that passed;
for the present and for the past;
and who knows the future how long it will last.
Now that I feel your grace fall like rain;
from every fingertip washing away my pain.

By your help my strength I will regain;

Cause I still believe in your faithfulness;
Cause I still believe in your truth.

  G!han ……..20 October 2007

I gave you all what I have gotten;

 You were blind unable to see my love;

I lived in a lie trying to keep you;

You only showed indifference to everything I gave and still do.

I have tried my very best, trying to be recognized one day by you;

Dreaming of hearing a kind word ~ a warm look from your eyes;

But it was always words unspoken and unanswered questions;

Cold feelings that never melt, towards anything I did and still do.

Years passed and time flew;

And I was still waiting for a word from you;

Every time I want to forget you and give up;

I tell myself “He’s in a comma but he’ll soon wake up and see you”!

Dreaming of some changes in your way;

But they were only dreams which never became true;

I was heartbroken, hurt and so many tears shed;

But I see now that you don’t deserve one tear that I shed for you.

I forgot my passion and my warm feelings;

Being ignored and forgotten by you;

I lost years that will never come back again;

Must I regret? Or just shut the door and forget?

Did you ever know what the word Love meant?

Did you ever know what was sharing and caring?

Did you ever try to understand a woman’s need?

Did you ever know that this comedy we are living must end?

I will survive with you or without you;

Believe it or not I don’t need any more to be loved by you;

I did efforts and tried because I hate to fail and to lose my self-respect;

It wasn’t only for you ~ for my ego that I’ll do anything to protect.

I can’t continue this unending game;

Whatever I have lost ~ I can mend;

But if I’ll lose my soul ~it’s going to be my end;

And I have one life to live;

With time I will find again a solid ground to stand.

 I’m sorry IT’S THE END

G!han 10/06/2000